Vice Ganda Funny Jokes

Catch the Vice Ganda Funny Jokes by one of the well-known and one of the funniest comedian in the world of Phillippine Showbiz - Vice Ganda. Here's a collection of Vice Ganda Funny Jokes. If your have your own favorite  Vice Ganda Funny Jokes , we would love to hear it, add a comment below or just email it to us with a subject: vice ganda. Enjoy! Hope you'll like it!

Vice Ganda sa Opisina

Vice Ganda: Pasok mo nga dito yung mga papeles ko..
Secretary: Sir saan ko ipapasok , dito sa loob"?
Vice: Hinde sa labas, ipasok nga diba.pwede bang ipasok sa labas, sige nga subukang mong ipasok doon sa labas

ito pa isa:

Kararating lang sa opisina
Secretary: Hi. good morning po Sir nandito na po pala kayo.
Vice: Hinde wala pa, picture ko lang toh, hindi pa ako to.

Reporter: Pagkatapos ng nose to nose ano naman pauusuhin mo?
Vice Ganda: Habulan saksak..ikaw uunahin ko...Keri? Joke :)

Reporter: Anong course mo nung college?
Vice Ganda Ganda: Automotive Major in Troubleshooting

Reporter: Ano ang ginagawa mo pag Sunday?
Vice Ganda: Nag aantay ng MONDAY...

Vice Ganda Holdap

Holdaper: Holdap to!
Vice Ganda: And so? Walang nagtatanong.
Holdaper: SABI NG HOLDAP TO!
Vice Ganda: so dapat pinagsisigawan?
Holdaper: Holdap nga to!! Holdap! Holdap!
Vice Ganda: Paulit-ulit? Unli tayo?
Holdaper: di ka tatahimik papatayin kita!
Vice Ganda: ano to, kalokohan? Akala ko holdap tapos patayan na? Ano to, 2 in 1?
Special o regular?
Holdaper: Bahlaa ka, Aalis na lang ako!
Vice Ganda: Ay ganun? Walk out? Di pa tayo tapos! Bumalik ka dito!

************   *

Vice Ganda in Restaurant

Vice papuntang Fastfood
Vice: (Umupo)
Waiter: Gud afternun po! Kakain po kayo?
Vice: Hindi, magluluto, tutulungan ko chef nyo.. Kakahiya naman nakiupo ako dito tapos hindi pa ko tutulong.. Bilis na.. Gusto mo tulungan pa kita sa mga customers nyo.. Tapos aasenso business nyo.. Edi masaya, di ba? Umunlad na kayo, nagutom pa ko.. Ang galing noh?

************   *

Patay Tatay

Vice Ganda: umiiyak sa harap ng kabao ng tatay
dumating si bestfriend, hinimas-himas yung likod ni vice bestfiend: uy, okey ka lang?
Vice Ganda: ikaw loka ka, patayin ko tatay mo? okey ka lang!!!!
Vice Ganda: loka ka tatay ko nasa kabao, tapos tatanungin mo ko kung okey ka lang!!!

************   *

Vice Ganda Jeep Trip

Binaba siya sa gitna
Vice mabundol ng isa pang jeep…
Manong2: Nasaktan ka ba?
Vice Ganda: (naasar) Ay hindi, nag-enjoy ako. Ulitin natin, bunguin mo pa. Isa pa! Dali! Ang sarap kasi! Nakabundol ka tapos itatanong mo kung masakit? Ikaw kaya bundulin ko? Tapos i-share mo skin feelings mo, kaya na-enjoy mo, sige magbungguan tayo. Laruin natin, ipauso natin, bunggu-bungguan.

************   *

Vice Ganda sa Park

Vice Ganda nakaupo sa park.. Walang nakaupo sa ibang upuan..
Manong: Pwede po bang umupo dito?
Vice Ganda: Hindi, tinatalunan yan.. Nakikita mo di ba, ang daming nakaupo.. Mamaya tatalunan ko yan.. Tapos sabay nating gagawin.. Sama na rin natin yung mga dumadaan.. Para mukha tayong mga baliw lahat.. Bilis na, simulan mo na..Maya-maya lang susunod ako.

************   *

Vice Ganda with Fan
Fan: Siguro ang yaman yaman mo na
Vice Ganda: Sana madilang anghel ka....

Fan: Ano gamit mo papunta sa CEBU?
Vice: ROLLER BLADES

Fan: Ang layo ng Pangasinan sa CEBU
Vice Ganda: Ang layo din ng IQ mo sayo lapitan mo siya dali

Fan: Kaya mong magroller blades papuntang Pangasinan?
Vice Ganda: Backride lang ako..Joke Jokes Jokes

If you have you own Vice Ganda Funny Jokes, feel free to share it with us and we will be very glad to have it posted here. For more reads, just log on to www.boybanat.com or visit Boy Banat Official Facebook  (www.fb.com/akosiboybanat) Page for the latest features.

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Vice Ganda Funny Tagalog Quotes and Jokes

Vice Ganda Funny Tagalog Quotes and Jokes is composed of Tagalog quotes and wholesome jokes from comedian/singer Jose Marie Viceral well-known as Vice Ganda.

Vice Ganda has once again proven that he is “unkabogable!” through his distinguish style of cracking jokes and the way he has coined various phrases such as "i-Dawn Zulueta mo ako" and "May nagtext".

The multifaceted performer has paved the way to a new brand of comedy that has become part of the local pop culture of the Filipinos. Laughter is, indeed, the best medicine and Vice Ganda Funny Tagalog Quotes and Jokes is a collection that will surely make you roll and laugh out loud.

(Vice papasok sa isang Pool)

Vice: Magkano Kuya?

Sekyu: yung Entrance po?

Vice: Ay hindi hindi?! Yung Exit

Diba papasok palang ako XD

Vice Ganda Tagalog FlipTop Lines

Fliptop or FlipTop Battles, is the Philippines' premier rap battle contest joined by underground and amateur rappers. Fliptop is someshow considers as a modern day Balagtasan, where two rappers are pitted against each other in a battle of a capella rap. FlipTop battled with 3 rounds and the panel of judges announced the winner

Check out this cool and funny collection of Tagalog Fliptop Lines by Vice Ganda. If you have your own favorite Tagalog FlipTop Lines, we would love to hear it, simply add a comment below or just email it to us with a subject: fliptop, and will posted up for you. Hope you'll like it!

"Sa ginawa mong yan akala mo ganap ka ng RAPPER?
I don't think so!
Kasi from head to foot mas mukha kang SNATCHER."

"Oo nga't mukha akong kabayo na kumakain ng damo at darak...
Masaya na ko rito,
kesa sa mukha mong model ng TOILET DUCK!"

"Kung Inaakala mo na kamukha mo si Sam Milby...
Nagkakakamali ka dahil ang kakambal mo si ANDREW E."


"Sa ganda kong to, itsura mo WALANG SILBI...
Para kang dumi sa tenga kung tawagin ay TUTULI"


"Daldal ka ng daldal yung sinasabi mo,
wala namang kwenta...
Kaya huminto ka na kung ayaw mong
ipabugbog kita sa eskenita!"


"Ang baho ng bunganga mo,
WALA KANG PERSONAL HYGIENE!
kung ikaw lang magiging jowa ko
mamamatay na lang akong VIRGIN."

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Hindi ba Puede Quotes and "Di Ba Pwede" Pick Up Lines Banat

Looking for "Hindi ba Puede"? Quotes and "Di Ba Puwede" Pick Up Lines Banat, which is also called "Agad Muna" Jokes.  Check this out as we give the best "Hindi ba Puede"? Quotes and "Di Ba Puwede" Pick Up Lines Banat.  It's popularized in the movie Vice Ganda's Praybeyt Benjamin in famous pick up lines "Pag bakla ba salot na agad? Di ba pwedeng malas muna?!" and became a trending in social networks and followed viral in text messages and SMS.  If you have your own favorite "Hindi ba Puede"? Quotes and "Di Ba Puwede" Pick Up Lines Banat, we would love to hear it, simply add a comment below or just email it to us with a subject: di ba puede pickup, and will posted up for you. Hope you'll like it!

Pag walang kibo, behaved na agad?...
Di ba pwedeng comatose muna?!

********   *

Pag ba makulimlim ulap agad?...
Di ba pwedeng kilikili muna?!

********   *

Pag nagsusuka, buntis agad?
Di ba pwedeng nakita ka lang muna?...

********   *

Pag adik, sa drugs na agad?...
Di ba pwedeng sa'yo muna?!

********   *

Pag kinikilig, in love agad?...
Di ba pwedeng naiihi muna?!

********   *

Pag mahaba ang hair ligawin na agad?...
Di ba pwedeng Sadako muna?!

Pag mahaba ang mga biyas supermodel na agad?
Di ba pwedeng lastikman muna?!

********   *

Pag maputi ang lalaki Edward Cullen na agad?...
Di ba pwedeng Casper muna?!

********   *

Pag bakla ba salot na agad?...
Di ba pwedeng malas muna?!

********   *

Pag payat ang babae model na agad?...
Di ba pwedeng may TB muna?!

********   *

Pag hot yung babae sexy na agad?...
Di ba pwedeng may dengue muna?!

********   *
Pag nagpapautang, Bumbay agad?...
Di ba pwede Cebuana Lhuillier muna?!

********   *

Pag malaki boobs Ethel agad?...
Di ba pwedeng Carlos Agassi muna?!

********   *

Pag nagbigay ng bulaklak nanliligaw na?
Di ba pwedeng nakikiramay muna?!

If you have you own Hindi ba Puede Quotes, feel free to share it with us and we will be very glad to have it posted here. For latest quotes, jokes and banat lines, just visit us again at www.boybanat.com or at our Boy Banat Official Facebook (www.fb.com/akosiboybanat).

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Pinoy Famous Movie Lines

Filipinos are fun of watching movies and even today teleseryes as matter of fact, they usually infiltrates the public's awareness that decades after their release, people can still reenact and imitates the specific scenario  with the lines intact.

Here's some of Pinoy Famous Movie Lines in Philippine Cinema, you can check if you can still remember some tagalog film lines used from your childhood days up to now:

Movie: Nagalit ang Buwan sa Haba ng Gabi

Year: 1983

Artist: Laurice Guillen

Dialogue: "Ikaw pala. Ikaw pala ang sinasabi ng asawa ko na asawa mo na asawa ng bayan!"

Movie: Paano Ba Ang Mangarap
Year: 1983
Artist: Vilma Santos
Dialogue: "Wala akong pakialam? ibalik mo sa akin si Jun-jun. Ibalik mo sa akin ang anak ko! Ibalik mo sa akin si Jun-jun. Ibalik mo ang... ahhhhh!"


Movie: Isang Bala Ka Lang
Year: 1983
Artist: Fernando Poe Jr.
Dialogue: “Isang bala ka lang!”


Movie: Kaya Kong Abutin ang Langit
Year: 1984
Artist: Maricel Soriano
Dialogue: "Ayoko ng tinatapakan ako. Ayoko ng masikip, ayoko ng mabaho, ayoko ng walang tubig, ayoko ng walang pagkain, ayoko ng putik!"


Movie: Dapat Ka Bang Mahalin
Year: 1984
Artist: Sharon Cuneta
Dialogue: "Kung saan, kailan, at paanong labanan, magpasabi ka lang. Hindi kita uurungan!"


Movie: Sister Stella L.
Year: 1984
Artist: Vilma Santos
Dialogue: "Kung hindi tayo kikilos sino ang kikilos? Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?"


Movie: Bituing Walang Ningning
Year: 1985
Artist: Cherie Gil
Dialogue: “Baliw ang nagsasabing isinilang na ang aking karibal. You’ll never make it! You’re nothing but a second-rate, trying hard copycat!”


Movie: Palimos ng Pag-ibig
Year: 1985
Artist: Vilma Santos
Dialogue:"Para kang karinderyang bukas sa lahat ng gustong kumain"


Movie: Saan Nagtatago ang Pag-ibig
Year: 1987
Artist: Vilma Santos
Dialogue: "Si Val! Si Val! Puro na lang si Val! Si Val na walang malay!"


Movie: Pasan Ko ang Daigdig
Year: 1987
Artist: Sharon Cuneta
Dialogue: "Gutay-gutay na ang katawan nyo... pati na ang kaluluwa nyo"


Movie: Kapag Puno na ang Salop
Year: 1987
Artist: Fernando Poe Jr
Dialogue: “Pinuno mo na ang salop! Dapat ka nang kalusin!”


Movie: Working Girls
Year: 1986
Artist: Carmi Martin
Dialogue: “Sabeeeeeel! This must be love!”


Movie: Nagbabagang Luha
Year: 1988
Artist: Lorna Tolentino and Alice Dixson
Dialogue: Alice: "Mamamatay ako, Ate, pag kinuha mo sa akin si Alex"
Lorna: "Ipalilibing kita."
Alice: "Ate, please!"
Lorna: "Nung inagaw mo sa'kin si... muntik na rin akong mamatay. Puwes, ikaw naman ngayon ang mamatay"


Movie: Kahit Konting Pagtingin
Year: 1990
Artist: Fernando Poe Jr. and Sharon Cuneta
Dialogue: FPJ: "Ang problema sa'yo, maaga kang ipinanganak."
Sharon: "Ang problema naman sa'yo, huli kang ipinanganak."


Movie: Starzan
Year: 1990
Artist: Rene Requiestas
Dialogue: Rene: “cheetaehhh….ganda lalake!”
Echo: “Ul_L! Sinungaling! Panget! Panget!”


Movie: Markang Bungo
Year: 1991
Artist: Rudy Fernandez
Dialogue: "Walang personalan, trabaho lang”


Movie: Madrasta
Year: 1996
Artist: Sharon Cuneta
Dialogue: “I was never your partner. I’m just your wife.”

Movie: Bata, Bata, Paano Ka Ginawa?
Year: 1998
Artist: Carlo Aquino
Dialogue: "Akala mo lang wala... pero meron! Meron! Meron!"


Movie: Pedrong Palad
Year: 2000
Artist: Jacklyn Jose
Dialogue: "Mayroong mga bagay na hindi natin dapat makita, pero dapat paniwalaan"


Movie: Milan
Year: 2004
Artist: Claudine Barretto
Dialogue: “Mahal mo ba ako dahil kailangan mo ako o kailangan mo lang ako kaya mahal mo ako”


Movie: Mano Po 4: Ako Legal Wife
Year: 2005
Artist: Zsa Zsa Padilla, Cherrie Pie Picache and Ruffa Mae Quinto
Dialogue: Zsa Zsa Padilla: “Ako Legal Wife”
Cherrie Pie Picache: "Ako Lucky Wife"
Ruffa Mae Quinto: "Ako ang latest wife"


Movie: One More Chance
Year: 2007
Artist: John Lloyd Cruz
Dialogue: “She loved me at my worst. You had me at my best and you chose to break my heart…”


Movie: Don't Give Up On Us
Year: 2006
Artist: Judy Ann Santos
Dialogue: "May mga tao talagang naghihintay, at mga taong meant to be"


Movie: A Love Story
Year: 2007
Artist: Angelica Panganiban
Dialogue: “Hindi mo sya kailangan, kailangan ko sya!”


Movie: Kimmy Dora: Kambal sa Kiyeme
Year: 2009
Artist: Eugene Domingo
Dialogue: "Rejection is the greatest aphrodisiac"


Movie: Status: Single
Year: 2009
Artist: Rufa Mae Quinto
Dialogue: "Ano ka ba! Hindi ako maarte, may values lang ako"


Movie: Petrang Kabayo
Year: 2010
Artist: Vice Ganda
Dialogue: Vice: "Pakipasok nga papeles ko"
Secetary: "Sa loob po ba?
Vice: "Hinde. Sa labas. Pasok mo sa labas!"


Movie: No Other Woman
Year: 2011
Artist: Anne Curtis Smith
Dialogue: "There's No Other Woman Better That I Am!"


Movie: No Other Woman
Year: 2011
Artist: Cristine Reyes
Dialogue: “Alam mo kasi ang marriage parang exclusive village. Kailangan mong bantayan para hindi makapasok ang mga squatters."

Mayabang na Banat at Matapobreng Banat

This is a collection of Mayabang na Banat at Matapobreng Banat ni Boy Banat, compiled from other websites, forums and in youtube.  Not advisable to use to other people, this may really hurt their feelings.   If your have your own Mayabang na Banat, we would love to hear it or just email it to us with a subject: mayabang na banat.  Enjoy!!

Excuse me! Teh!,
Hindi tayo Level!

*      *      *      *      *     

Bakit Magkano ka ba?
Baka gusto mo bilhin kita!

*      *      *      *      *   

Kung sinasabi nilang mayabang ako, oo, mayabang ako.
At napakaraming dahilan na ipinagmamayabang ko." - Vice Ganda

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Sa isang enrollment
Rich Student: nagbayad ka na ng tuition fee?
Student: "i'm a scholar."
Rich student: "ah? poor ka?"

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Mayabang na banat sa opisina:
Yan lang sweldo mo?
Sweldo mo, tax ko lang
ito isa pa:
"Ilabas mo ITR mo nang magkaalaman na
kung sino mas malaking kinikita kita sa atin dalawa?"

"Mas mahal pa ang gupit ng buhok
ko sa pagkatao mo."
"O ayan, para may malamon naman kayo ngayon!"

*      *      *      *      *   

Sa isang School Canteen,
Imbes na kumain kami ng bestfreind ko nag ipod nalang kami...
nag tanong yung isa naming classmate (na hate namin)
kung magkano daw bili sa mga ipod namin sabi ko:

"Wag ka na magtanung, Can't Afford ka Teh! Pang Mayaman lang to"!

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Paawa effect ng isang kaibigan
Juan : Pasiensya na tol ah mahirap lang ako eh..
Boy Banat : Eh mahirap ka lang pala eh bakit ka sumasama sa amin? eh
mayayaman kami.. Gold Digger!

*      *      *      *      *   

Last Christmas, may antipatikang babae ang nag punta sa kapitbahay namin at
namamasko sabay banat ng ganito:
"Kung sabagay, araw ninyo ngayon, araw ng mga dukha!"

*      *      *      *      *   

Stranger: Sir, Pwede po bang makipagusap
Boy Banat: Sorry, you can't afford my billing rate"
* kapag naiinis ako at nayayabangan sa kausap.... this is my best statement...

*      *      *      *      *   

(Ito pambawi sa Mayayabang at Matapobre)
"Alam mo Huwag ka Mayabang kasi...Sa Totoo lang...
Makinis Pa ang P*wet ko sa Mukha mo"!
Sabay Alis..Hahaha..

Ramon Bautista Tagalog Quotes and Advice

Who would not be familiar with Ramon Bautista Tagalog Quotes and Advice especially his perception, direct and honest responses about love. He gained popularity in Form spring and his account has been the most visited in 2012 because of his brutal yet funny replies on everyday questions about love and relationship dilemmas of the young Filipino. As a matter of fact, his advices were reorganized and compiled into a book and was a big success following the positive feedbacks from the readers.

If you have missed the famous quotes and advice from the man behind "Bakit Hindi Ka Crush ng Crush Mo", here's a collection of the coolest and funniest of Ramon Bautista Tagalog Quotes and Advice that will surely make you change the way you see love and relationship.

Mga babae gusto ng ma-effort na lalaki. Tapos kapag meron naman ma-effort na lalaki, ayaw naman kapag ‘di gwapo. Yan kayo e.

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Kung tunay na madali lang magmove on at maglet go, eh di wala na tayong pag-uusapan dito. Malamang wala rin TFTFZ, wala din kakain ng bubog.